Some days I just feel sad and I have no reasoning or any idea as to why I feel so sad but it just feels consuming, like every optimistic and faith filled molecule within your whole being has been replaced with emptiness and sadness. Sometimes that sadness and consuming feeling can be so easy to hide, other times it comes out in anger and other times, the majority of the time for myself it comes out in quietness and tears. It’s like an outward quietness though but inside my head is racing and my heart is pounding and it’s just an internal disaster.
Today is one of those days, today I feel I have been consumed but I have no idea why. Today I just feel sad and hopeless and just quiet. Today has been a day full of sneaky tears (sneaky as in they just appear and make your face wet and you don’t know why they are escaping!!) and it’s not even 3pm yet. On days like this there is nothing really that helps, and that is miserable!
Even chocolate isn’t helping… you know it’s bad when chocolate doesn’t help and gin is not an option at the moment!!
Today I want to curl into a ball, today I want to know it is all going to be ok, today I want to know it is all going to be worth it and today I want to know that I am making the right decisions for our future because at the moment, it all seems a little too much and a little impossible.
Today is a sad day and I wanted to be honest with how I feel because if you asked me in person, I fear I may crumble if I am going to be honest and so to save myself from that- I will tell you I am fine and I will put on a smile but the reality is far from the truth.