“… the carousel never stops turning.”

Sometimes all you can do is breathe and just keep breathing because you don’t have the energy to do anything else. Sometimes though the most vital thing you can do (breathe) is also one of the most painful things you can do and it just takes all your focus and all of your energy.only-breatheThat was the situation I found myself in on Monday. It’s amazing how one day when you think you are in so much pain and discomfort another day comes along to assure you that was nothing compared to now. In my last post (and she laughed… oh she laughed!) I said that I had been to the hospital due to the bleeding not subsiding and the pain. Well little did I know, that pain would just be cramps in comparison.

On Sunday I felt absolutely awful and had to stay in bed all day and watched movies. Towards the evening I migrated to the sofa and Mr put on one of my favourite musicals (cats) but apparently I slept pretty much all through it. The pain was starting to become unbearable and so I went in the bath which helped a little and then afterwards used my TENS machine. That night was awful and I resulted to using my emergency stash of oramorph.dog

Monday came and I messaged the girls to say I couldn’t go in that day but my word, I thought my insides were trying to consume themselves and it was painful, everything I did hurt so so much, even breathing. My stomach and pelvis was so so painful I didn’t know what to do. Called the GP and got an appointment an hour and a half later once I explained what the issue was and I was in the room for about 20 minutes whilst she figured out what to do and then I heard the words I didn’t want to hear… “You need to go to A&E asap”. Great!!

I called one of my very lovely friends and she said she’d take me and she sat with me pretty much throughout it all. She was absolutely fantastic. I was going stir crazy and a bit delirious with it all but she stuck with me, tried to master the art of distraction and wouldn’t take any of my nonsense. She rubbed my back, she made me laugh and she encouraged me!you-got-this

She was absolutely amazing… you see friends like these are special and they are to be treasured. This friend has seen me at my worse and seen me at my best and she’s still not ran away, we just laugh about the situation at a later date!!

real-friend

Anyway to cut a long story short, I was sent home with a shed load of medications to be taking (like 23 a day) to try and control the pain and also stop the bleeding as it should have stopped totally by now and yeah so that’s been me!

I have so little energy it’s ridiculous, I’ve pretty much spent the past 2 days in bed watching movies and I got into trouble for hoovering the lounge and hall last night whilst Mr was in the bath because I wanted to prove to myself I was being a baby- after hoovering, I don’t think I am! The pain has eased thanks to the medications but in no way has it gone and the nausea is making itself at home.

I totally have to talk myself in to everything!

bathe

Here is a confession… I have had so little energy that I am still in the cookie monster PJ’s that I put on on Monday night and my hair is in a desperate need of being washed especially as its curly and goes frizzy that I share the same style as this…

fuzzy-cat

 

My parents, brother and his dog along with another couple are at a place called Center Parcs at the moment, for those who don’t know what it is, its like a holiday park in the woods/forest and I think there are 5 or 6 in the UK and they are just wonderful, beautiful, relaxing places to be with onsite restaurants, swimming facilities, spa and activity centre and of course the woods. It is an absolutely lovely place to be and so my brother is going to drive down tomorrow to collect me as he thinks that will be easier and take me there so that I can get some proper r&r in place!  Also thinking the hot whirlpools are going to be an absolute God send for my pelvic and stomach pain which is showing no sign of going!

He actually sent me this photo from inside the cabin looking out… he said they have had visits from deer, rabbits, squirrels, geese and ducks! cp

Ah I can’t wait to be there, although I can’t really do much and it’s even to the point that Mr is going to have to help me pack but hopefully it will be the perfect environment for me to relax and recover properly also I am a proper sucker for nature and the woods and animals and all that jazz!

So that’s me really, that is what’s been happening and it absolutely sucks!

Guess I have to take it all one day at a time but also need to remember to treasure relationships and the little things as one day we will look back and see that it was those people who got you through the day, in one part and breathing no matter how painful it is.

My friend got me through Monday, she gave me a reason to smile at times when I thought I was going to cry and comforted me when I started getting a bit distressed but also she put up with my crazy ways and kept encouraging me saying that I can do this and that I’ve got it. 

My husband has been amazing, he did the shopping, put up with me being so poorly, went to the hospital to collect my medication and pops to the shops for anything that I need. 

My family have been a great support. My mum (aka my personal stalker) has been checking in on me all the time via text or Facebook messenger and my brother has been doing the same and he is also coming to collect me so that I can have some proper time out to recover.

The girls I work closely with have been a great support sending me well wishes and letting me know if I have missed anything important and have also put up with me the past few weeks whilst I’ve been poorly.

My church family have been supportive with get well messages and just general well wishes and offers of help.

In times like this, you realise that although you may feel rubbish and uber poorly and everything that comes with it, that there are people who would do anything to make you better and those people are the ones who you need to truly treasure.

At the moment, for me life sucks. This endometriosis is getting worse and I feel so ill but though it all and through the pain, I do have a reason to smile (doesn’t mean I will) because I have something that money can’t buy… true, authentic, real, loving relationships and for that I am truly blessed and although things get tough and you want to jump off the carousel of life, you can’t and in those times you need to cling to those relationships.

never-stops-turning