So I haven’t updated since my last appointment and so I thought I would take the opportunity to lead on from my last post really.
The appointment went well considering how much I was absolutely dreading it. The consultant is so absolutely lovely and literally answered every question I had and we were singing from the same hymn sheet as it were.
I had concerns that possibly I have adenomyosis and he thought the same.
To cut a long story short the plan is that I am waiting for an urgent MRI (the good old NHS means that I have 5 weeks to wait for an ‘urgent’ scan, trying to get it sooner going private) and then its looking like a course of prostap (my old friend, we will potentially meet again) and then straight onto IVF with no break- that’s gonna be mega rough but I will just need to breathe and straighten my crown!
Things have been tough lately, I’m still feeling really ill with this endometriosis flare up and all my medications have been increased and now I am also taking morphine when I need to at the moment too and I am on my second course of antibiotics this week. It has got to the stage where the GP can’t really help and just keep sending me back to the emergency gynaecology unit… joys!!
I really feel that I have had to put my life on hold for the past 8 weeks, I’ve never slept so much, never watched so many movies in bed and I also think my PJ to dressed days are totally in higher figures.
You can’t help feeling like I am totally failing at life though, its like you feel like a bad wife because you can’t clean as much, can’t do the shopping at times and intimacy kinda disappears and in just general life I feel like I am so inconsistent because I haven’t been able to do my normal activities and I just feel crap about letting people down!
I am totally exhausted, the pain is exhausting, the fatigue is exhausting, the nausea is exhausting, holding out hope is exhausting, being ‘strong’ is exhausting and just general day to day living is exhausting. It is exhausting but I am really hoping it will all be ok! I know it is going to be tough, and at the moment myself and Mr are so keen to start on the prostap as we hope it will sort out some of my symptoms because we think it did last time I was on it but I know it’s going to be worth it! It’s got to the stage where I am so fed up, that I said to my mum the other day just let me have my babies and then the doctors can do whatever they feel they need to do!!
My little miracles are coming, despite being told that due to my AMH I may only have 1 or 2 eggs they can harvest but the journey to get them is tough and the road I am on at the moment especially being poorly for so long makes it feel like its never going to end but here is some Fairy Godmother wisdom to keep us all going…